Tuesday, December 29, 2009

trip to kelantan

trip to klantan sgt penat! however, tak sepenat & sakit pinggang seperti yang dialami when we went there in 2007.. mebi sbb aku preggie kot waktu tuh.. planned to gerak dr kl around 9am.. tapi byk sgt pantun pagi tu, kitorang gerak around 11.30am! bengang btul rase wasted 2jam menunggu org lain..


..cik kak posing ngan ayah..

kitorang tak byk berenti sbb dlm kete dah penuh ngan food to munch.. hubby & I sempat buat sandwich & sausage rolls pagi tu.. best best.. but ade few stop gak sbb nak beli livita, nak cuci berak adik & solat..

ni time berenti solat.. bagi bebudak guling2 sementara mak-mak budak semayang..

reach KB around 7pm. checked-in kat renaissance KB.. mlm tu we went to wakaf che yeh..

next morning, we went for swimming.. seronok tgk cik kak & adik mandi kolam.. tapi satu tragedi telah berlaku, menyebabkan kitorang cepat2 keluar pool & naik bilek.. muahahahahaa..

in the afternoon, after checked-out, we went to umah kawan mama kat KB gak. then, pegi beli batik kat pasar siti khadijah.. then, terus berangkat ke tanah merah lak.. kat sini, kazen2 pon dah sampai. stayed at mawwar challet. rombongan utk menikah dah berkumpul di tanah merah..

next morning, majlis nikah went well. alhamdulillah.. lepas makan, we shoot to rantau panjang.. tak sempat nak shopping sgt sbb adik meragam.. penat & ngantuk.. kesian dier.. around 6.30pm we reached tanah merah again for dinner.. around 8pm baru bertolak balik KL.. reached KL around 4.30am..

pengalaman jalan malam sgt scary.. both hubby & my brother yg driving, dedua menangtuk.. siap berenti tido.. sejam lak tuh! ahahaha.. then, berenti minom la lagi diorg.. bas2 express berdesup2.. tak padan ngan 2tingkat pon same laju cam pelesit.. now, to me, kalo eksiden happen kat bas, mmg salah PEMANDU BAS! kalo dia tak mati time eksiden, dia patut kena hukum gantung smp mati kerana menyebabkan penumpang mati.. gile ah..

nway, guess wat kakak get from the trip? tadaaaaa...
BACK HOE!!

lagik sorang... kesian adik pancit giler balik tuh..

Monday, December 21, 2009

b i s u l

after HFMD, cik kak kena bisul bawah kulit.. she had it once last year but not as BIG as this time..

last year, when cik kak was only 9 months young, she had a small bonjol somewhere btwn leher & dada.. we went to a few GP, diorg tatau.. even one of them siap tulis surat soh gi refer kat surgeon! mase tu hubby gi ngan cik kak je time ofis hour. bile aku dgr jek hubby ckp pasal surat tu, air mata aku dah takleh ditahan2 dah.. petang tu aku kuar ofis cepat.. instead of pegi surgeon, kitorang gi jumpa Dr. Othman (hubby's uncle), another GP kat seremban.. Uncle Man cool jek.. he said it was bisul bawah kulit.. thou takde mata but once it finds a weak point, dia akan pecah.. uncle kasik ubat utk sapu je.. we stayed kat umah uncle smp malam.. masa tu bisul tu dah start pecah pon..

but last week, bonjol tu naik balik. called uncle man lagik, he said sapu cream antibiotik yg dulu.. obviously, aku tatau mane dah letak cream tuh.. aku pon tak terpikir nak tny name ubat tu kat uncle.. kalo tak mesti boleh amik kat klinik kat umah ni je.. bonjol makin besar dan besar.. til last friday, we went again to seremban on our way back to melaka.. uncle said, ni dah kena infection.. he gave ubat sapu & antibiotik.. in 3-4 days, dia akan pecah..

bisul tu sgt besar.. cik kak selalu meragam.. kesian giler.. bila nak sapu ubat je, mesti dia dah nanges2.. so, boleh letak time dia tido jek.. tu pon dlm sedar tak sedar, dia tepis tangan sesape yg nak usik bisul dia.. imagine a 22months young toddler kena bisul.. BIG ONE lak tuh.. sgt heart wrenching!! sumpah tak tipu..

this morning, b4 nak gi keje, bisul cik kak dah pecah.. alhamdulillah.. nampak macam milo dia tumpah kat leher.. scary..

uncle said kalo nak hilang betul, kena operate sket.. but dont do it now.. tunggu dia besar lagi sket.. my mom said, its actually due to bius yg akan digunakan. obviously, budak takleh nak wat local bius sbb diorg stil akan meronta2.. bius tido tu might effect otak budak.. tatau la how severe.. kot2 ade doktor yg bace, bleh la komen sket..

i cant wait to see cik kak pas keje nih.. nak poyok poyok (peluk/hugs) :-) sbb sejak ada bisul ni, cik kak bila peluk orang, ade gap sket sbb dia takot terlanggar bisul dia.. gambar? takyah la.. bleh nanges aku kalo tgk.. *sob*sob*

Monday, December 14, 2009

i feel fat

jeans aku in 2007 sized 28-29.. but 2009? 31-32 okke.. itu pon kadang sesak nak masuk!
berat aku b4 preggie in 2007 was around 55-58kg.. sgt ok la for a 172cm tall awek, but now? 60++kg taw..
kengkawan & family yg bebaik kate, ok la.. dulu selimm skrang gebu skek..
yang kureng baik kate, dah macam mak nyer.. btw, my mom start naik badan lepas lahir anak ke4 taw..

why.
  1. i'm tall, so i cant be fat.. lagi pon aku pompuan.. kalo laki tuh, nampak la gak tough nyer.. kalo pompuan nnt nampak cam giant lak..
  2. wardrobe aku dah shrinking.. most of my kebayas, dah takleh fit.
  3. hubby aku sentiasa nampak clean, hensem & machos.. cam tak macthing la kalo aku kureng menarik.. (boleh ke gittew?)

action taken.
  1. i've tried to control makan aku.. cume kadang2 bile lauk sedap sgt tuh, aku langgar gak limit aku..
  2. i've planned nak wat sit-up, tp plan tu maseh blom penah terlaksana, sbb tiap pagi aku bgn lambat & terkocoh-kocoh nak mandi solat & bersiap gi opis..
  3. i've planned nak jogging in the weekend with hubby & kids tp kitorang lebih prefer tido kat umah time cuti atau jalan2 window shopping dlm mall yg semestinye ade aircond!

konklusi.
  1. bile dah frust mikir cara nak selimm tp tak jadik2 jugak, aku akan pikir positip.. dek badan yg naik neh, dah kluar 2 org Azali Jr yang menjadi buah ati pengerang jantungs kitorangs.. aaaaaa....

p/s : aku sgt jeles Mdm Nat yg sgt selimmm..!! (saje nak tag nat jugaks!) haahahahaha

m c

aku MC 2 hari last week.. konklusinyer, aku hanya kerja 1 hari minggu lepas.. owh ya, MC sbb temperature aku sgt tinggi smp doktor saspek kena denggi.. takpe2, kasik can 4-5 hari.. kalo maseh demam, kena buat test darah.. alhamdulillah, demam hilang by hari ke3 tp sakit tekak berlarutan smp hari ke5..

HFMD cik kak dah berjangkit kat adik.. jumaat mlm yg lepas adik jadik new born balik sbb bangun every 2 hours.. 1am, 3am, 5am, 7am & 9am.. seb baik sabtu tak keje.. kalo tak mau aku amik EL lagik.. bintik2 pada adik tak sebanyak cik kak, tp clearly lebih besar drp cik kak.. alhamdulillah, ulser kat bibir takde.. so, jadik HFD je la kot.. nway, by today, bintik2 kat adik dah kering.. aku lak gataaaalll tgn nak kupis kulit2 kering tuh.. ahahaha

owh.. pagi tadik aku terjaga sbb adik nak menyusu.. time aku kat dapo tgh prepare susu, aku dgr cik kak tgh pujuk adik, atek.. atek.. angan anges.. (adik.. adik.. jangan nangis..) owwww.. so chumill!!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

HFMD

i was on urgent leaves these 2 days. it was due to cik kak's health.

sunday
blisters kat mulut. went to GP, he said "panas dalam".. but ada slight fever jugak. so, amik ubat demam.. gave her ubat demam b4 tido..

monday
Went to homeopathy practitioner (kitorang mmg selalu refer homeopathy since cik kak few months aged, unless the condition is severe), he said "panas dalam" also.. so, we took ubat batuk, selsema, ulcer and a few additional items.. at nite, baru aku pasan tgn & kaki ade bintik2 jugak.. blisters kat mulut dah jadik ulcer besar.. she also started to say, "mama.. atit.. (sakit)", sambil tunjuk mulut dia.. kesian gilerr...

tuesday
Went to dr.sheila (Paed @ Hospital Tawakal) - doktor kakak & adik masa lahir.. she said, it is HFMD.. no medication available.. not to worry, will subside after 1 week.. many cases occurred to kids lately.. however, she prescribe a gel for the ulcer. doc kagum sbb cik kak stil happily playing kat bilek dier.. she said, normally kids tak tahan.. nanges2 & takleh mkn & minum.. alhamdulillah, cik kak stil minum cam biase.. makan? erk.. dia mmg susah nak mkn.. thats why dia sgt slim.. hubby asked is it ok for children her age tak nanges sbb sakit? doc said, its ok.. meaning dia nih tahan sakit.. easy to handle.. not to worry.. coz i remember mase kena vaksin, cik kak juz tepuk2 punggung, then bangun & continue running..

Alhamdulillah cik kak nih kuat sket.. aku risau dia takmo mkn or minum sbb dia dah mmg kurus.. stil, dia nanges gak bile food kena bibir.. aku soh dia masuk terus food dlm mulut.. seb baik dia paham.. tp aku risau sbb HFMD ni boleh berjangkit.. adik tak tahan sakit.. hahahaa.. baru ni pegi enjet, he cried till kuar dari bilek doktor.. kesian anak aku..


cik kak sgt moody.. tgk bibir dah macam bengkak

Ya Allah, lindungilah anak-anak ku dari segala yang memudaratkan.. ameennn...

Friday, December 4, 2009

My Father. My Late Father.

Actually, i've already wrote about this previously in my other blog. but something disturbed my mind and made me missing ayah all over again.. til it made me cry..

maybe i'll break the news in my blog luah rasa later.

I'm a daughter of a retired teacher. My mom has been a single parent since Dec2003.. a week after i've started working. My dad left when i was starting to repay all his investment spent to raise me up. i only managed to give him very few gifts b4 he left me for good. I remember making a hand-made card for his 44th birthday. it was in 1997, when i was so homesick staying in a boarding school.. I remember posted a ceramic+aromatherapy nite lamp for his birthday during my campus life, but the lamp was broken during postage. Ayah glued it back. I felt bad about it, so I bought a set of wallet & belt (tak ingat brand ape, tp masa tu SALE kat JJ ayer keroh) for father's day - besday ayah & father's day was just a month gap. This time, I gave him by-hand during balik ujung minggu.. there, I saw ayah sat on the sofa, took his old wallet (which was still in a good condition) and transfer all his cards & cash etc into the new one.. he also tried his new belt and left the old set at the sofa. quietly, i took his old wallet and kept it. saje je time tu.. saje to keep something that belongs to him..

Nearing the end of the semester, i received RM800 for our books allowance thru out the 4.5years of studies (better late then takde langsung kan). I called mama telling that i gonna be back to KL in the afternoon, take both of them to buy something and return to the campus in the evening. I bought an expensive kain-ela for mama (at least for me la at that moment), colored hijau gelap/lumut.. then, silently, me & mama chose a kemeja batik john master for ayah. also dark green, sedondon la ngan mama.. then, we went for lunch at one of the fast food kat Jln TAR. all on me.. i was so proud and satisfied at myself. On the way to Bas stand Pudu, mama happily belek2 her kain-ela while ayah was a bit 'toya' mebi thinking there's nothing for him kot (hehe..) then, i took-out the shirt i bought & he was smiling. thank you..

Few months later, i've completed my studies at MM*U. i stayed at home 24-7 for a few weeks b4 i've started to work part time at my aunts shop. since i was already staying back in our home, slowly i've noticed that ayah werent very well. since so long b4. mama neva told me that they went everywhere to cure ayah.. ayah even warded without me knowing about it. mebi because we were stil studying. I remember watching ayah was so weak & bed ridding for quite some time. but i dunt know wat to do, or wat can i do? i just prayed that ayah will get well soon so that later when i've started working, I can treat mama & ayah for dinner once a while.

It was hari raya in Dec2003. ayah was stil able to walk a few steps and beraye with everybody. but he booked a resort at melaka for our family to stay, in the 3rd day of raya! I bought him a casual short sleeve green shirt as we are going for holiday.. i tought of buying a fancier shirt but i dunt have the budget. stil, the one I bought was another john master.. or, maybe just a piere cardin? erh.. i dunt remember. I also bought a sort-of like shoe bag (beg yg tegak tu) for him to keep his medicine, wallet & cellular (sbb masa raya tu he put everything in a plastic bag & carry around masa kitorang pegi beraya). Holiday at mlk wasnt very fun as we hardly went anyway sbb ayah tak larat. He was just lay on bed, watching us playing, eating etc.

Few weeks later, things couldnt be any better. My siblings & I did few things that ayah dislikes, but he hasnt had the strength to punish us. But i remember he said, dont you guys think i didnt knew what u did.. but we didnt really care.. i guess :-(

16th Dec 2003, my 1st day to report duty at T*M. mama drove to sent me to the office. Ayah was sleeping at the passenger seat. Mama said perut ayah sebu. he need to feel the rocking in car to ease it. In the afternoon, mama said ayah is in UH. I went there every afternoon & evening for the whole week. I just wondered when will ayah get better and discharged from the hospital so that I wont have to go there anymore. But he seems so weak.. I tried to tell him about my new environment in the new office, but he didnt wanna listen. too tired perhaps. On friday afternoon, i went to the hospital as alwaiz. I saw ayah awake but sgt tak bermaya. mama tgh suap ayah makan buat pear.. then, i returned to the office. that nite, ayah tak sedarkan diri after being bius (i think). many of ayah & mama's siblings & families came to see ayah. we even brought along a few pillows & comforter to sleep outside ayah's room.. mama didnt sleep thru out the nite.. mama waked us up for subuh prayers. around 7am, all my siblings sat around ayah as we saw his heart beat had starter to drop.. one-by-one.. it was so heart wrenching to witness the moment.. it was extremely unimaginable feeling of sadness that i had ever felt in my whole life..

We ride on kereta jenazah to ayah's family's house.. He was wearing the green shirt I bought in his final day on earth... but my uncles have to cut it as they afraid it might hurt ayah if they tried to bend his hands in order to take off the shirt.. After ayah's funeral, we went home. My heart was absolutely empty. Unloading all his belonging brought from the hospital, I was devastated. I was hoping to return home with ayah, alive. But it didnt happen. Seeing his "shoe bag" without him, i cried..

I neva stop crying. I envy other ppl who still have fathers who are stil alive & kicking.. I also envy older ppl who are much older than ayah, but stil enjoying life with family, children & grandchilds.. but bukan la bererti aku tak redha. A fren told me once, "Bukannya makna kita sedey tu kita tak redha dgn takdir Tuhan. Tapi mmg satu perasaan yg dicampakkan oleh Tuhan dalam hati kiter sbg hambaNya. Yang terbaik sekali di kalangan mereka ialah yg dapat mengambil faedah dari kesedihan itu utk bangkit..dan bangkit dan bangkit. Hidup mesti terus.."

Mama used to say that I was ayah's favourite. jambu ayah. I dunno if mama said the same to other siblings.. but i'm sure, if ayah is still around, cik kak surely wud be him latest jambu & favourite! poor my babies, didnt get the chances to feel the warmth of atuk's love.

Now, I only have my mother. There were so many things i've planned b4 i've started working dulu.. Too bad ayah is not around anymore to be apart of my plans anymore. That is why I alwaiz put my mom as my priority.. i only have her to give everything i cud. I can only fulfill her needs while she is still around.. I just hope other ppl will realize this, and do the same like I do.. This is why I alwaiz cry when I think of ayah.. Mebi I should recite more yassin for him.. I shud do this.

I love writing about ayah. It helps me to remember as much as i could about him.. yet, i neva fail to cry each time i'm blogging about my forever missed ayah.

I miss you so very much.

"Ya Allah, ampunkan segala dosa ayah dan tempatkan dia dikalangan orang2 yang diredhai-Mu. Ameen.

Alfatihah.

Hot*fm

Hubby & I listen to Hot*fm every morning while we are in our journey to the office. Since Fara is on a long holiday, Faizal had a few new+temporary partners. 1st it was HO, which aku tak bape nak berkenan. The morning show sounded very boring sbb faizal pon dah terikot skema.. the following week was with AS. ok la jugak.. mebi i'm a bit biase as he was our super duper senior back in high school. ahahaha.. and now, it is Jawa*Rangers in the morning!!! i loike!!! sgt sukaaaaa... kalo diorg time pagi, F&F pegi ptg pon i wont mind. (>_<)v

I believe Hotfm had been ranked as No.1 radio station in Malaysia is due to Kiran. He moved from Era.fm together with his loyal listeners, which among them are me & my hubby..

ok ok, now i know what to ramble about!! let's comment on Hotfm topic every morning! yeah! (giler takde topik sendiri kan?) wateva.

topik semalam, kerja gila yg penah buat time chenta remaja.. honestly, i neva did any stupid stuff mase berchenta (bleh caye ke?) muahahahaa.. paling bangang wa bahalul that i'm so ashamed to remember was crying over a break-up. to me, i was plain stupid. just get over it. thou ppl might say it was like having a good cry, but come on, you were still studying.. you shouldnt get involve in it at the 1st place (aku dah kawen, bleh la ckp cemnih kan?) muahahahhaaa.. from my observation, the percentage of high school couples (or even Uni) to get married is very VERY very thin. I was with a guy for more than 3 years but i married with which ermm.. aarrh.. urhh.. susah nak count our period of chentan-chentun sbb kitorang special case.. ahahahhaa.. nway, my point is, dunt do stupid things to yourself. you'll may laugh at it later, but ppl also will laugh at you. stil, if u do, learn from it. grew over it. fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. and not to forget, what my mom used to say, "World is Round, God is Great".. meaning what u did to other ppl soonest or later you'll also be punished, might as well rewared. aku lari dari topik ya? wateva.

topik kedua (topik hot*fm pagi ini pulak)
terlupa bukan tak ingat.
i think it is the same, isnt it? tak ye? ntah. agaknyer cam semalam la, i remembered the whole day that i'm suppose to meet a fren at 6pm. when it was 5.40pm baru aku teringat yg aku ade opoimen, then kelam kabut kemas meja+solat+berlari kuar opis.. relevan kah?

ok la.. entry yg agak plain. kan aku dah kate, ini blog utk bersopan.. swear that i'll wont maki @ kutuk @ umpat org kat sini.. hahahhaa.. i'll try to make it "lebih hangat daripada biasa" in the next entry. chalos..

Thursday, December 3, 2009

what?

erhhh.. uhhh.. hmmm. ishkk.. man.. its very hard to think of writing a decent entry.. dang!! bad.. bad me..

Welcome!

this is my attempts in writing (decently). please leave your comments! i really appreciate your reading & thoughts!